Damien

I am not very interesting. I acknowledge this fact. I am a law-abiding, clean-and-sober college student. This does not make me lame, as my cousin told me, just boring.

Being boring, I feel I have a dilemma. I don’t want the blog to be boring, but this update a semester business is ridiculous. So I from time to time, I will blog about my friends. To protect the innocent and unwillingly shield the guilty, one such friend shall henceforth be known as Damien (like the devil-child from the Omen). You’ll see why.

Damien is a mess. Quite simply, he is a hot. Ghetto. MESS. He drinks, smokes, imbibes various illegal substances, and takes booty-calls from bartenders in committed relationships. His immorality is not the problem though.

Damien’s problem stems from his amorality. He does not know right from wrong. Like a small child he must be told “no” periodically to keep him from imploding his life and wrecking it even more than it already is. This is eternally frustrating to those of us that know Damien well enough that he will confide in us. Me, (thank God!) not so much, but my good friend Damien’s Human Conscience, is near-constantly being called and more disturbingly, being paid impromptu visits by Damien. DHC did not sign up for this. I feel for him, but I also worry about myself. Come May, DHC moves away and severs all contact with Damien.

Damien is under the mistaken impression that I hate him. This is not the case. Damien drains me. It is physically exhausting because I truly care about his well-being, and no matter what you say to him, he NEVER changes.

I worry that when DHC moves away Damien will latch onto me for direction. He knows where I live, is friends with my roommate, and once felt comfortable enough with me to ask to borrow heels for one of his cross-dressing adventures. Thankfully, I didn’t have anything that “worked for him.”

In some respects, it is tempting to think it would be easier for everyone involved if Damien fell off the face of the earth. At the same time, people would worry about him. Damien went incommunicado for a weekend and people worried about him, not a ton, but perhaps more than they should. Damien is the perfect storm of dysfunction. I do care, and I do want him to be stable and pull himself out of the hole he’s in. But at the same time I don’t want him to pull me or any of my friends down with him.

Ugh...That is the only word.

I am SO not looking forward to the Spring. This semester I will be putting therapy to full use. I will also need the support if my friends to reign me in and keep me sane...er. I hope and pray to God that things work out to be better than I expect. I also really hope that the workload eases up a little. I fear in the Fall that I will have to cut back on activities. Its just not working, and I have to get my grades up if I want to have any hope of determining the course of my own life for the five years following my graduation.

My Facebook status today is that I am tired of dramatic updates. This is both true and hypocritical, because I am one of the MOST DRAMATIC people I know. If this blog post is too dramatic, well...whatever.

Also, I need a man.