Friday, February 27, 2009

Do you just have nothing better to do?

The more I think about this story the more pissed I get. President Obama just addressed Congress on a whole host of important issues that affects MILLIONS of people. There has got to be better things Congress can be spending their time on other than this. There has just GOT to be. They seem to have more pressing issues to worry about than monkeys as pets in my opinion.

Millions of people are out of work, losing their homes everyday. We are actively fighting a war in two different countries. Yet, Congress thinks it is an appropriate use of their time to limit the interstate trade of primates. Let's just think on that for a minute. Who is affected by this? So far just idiots who want to buy monkeys. And really, its natural selection. These people think they can handle it? Let them live with the consequences.

Millions of Americans are in economic distress and Congress sits around with their thumbs up their asses for MONTHS. Conversely, ONE WOMAN in Connecticut is mauled by a monkey that she bought (because she lives in Connecticut and has nothing better to spend money on) and they pass legislation in a timely manner (with a vote of 323-95).

What. The. HELL?! Seriously, guys! Govern. Will you please just govern with laws that affect more than a tiny minority of the population? I don't think its too much to ask.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Things I am CONVINCED of:

1. Rachel Ray is trying to take over the world. She is the new "Martha," only we like her 'cause she isn't a bitch. This should scare you. She's sneaky and unassuming, but I'm CONVINCED her plans are "World Domination FTW!" (More on this later once I compile my evidence.)

2. Action movies were invented for people like me. What runs through my mind, you ask? Basically it goes like this: "Wow! Look at that guy! He has lots of money, and cool secret-y responsibilities. How awesome would it be to BE that guy?! AND he gets to BLOW THINGS up?! I coul-- oh, wait. That looks dangerous. I better just watch the movie." All this happens in the span of 10 minutes and then I watch the rest of the movie contentedly.

I can live vicariously through the MEN who get to do all these cool things and don't have to risk an anxiety attack by doing them myself. Its funny that I want to be the men in these movies and not the women. This should in no way be considered a dig at men for the advantages they get in life. I'm sure men make better secret agents than women anyways.

3. Keith Olbermann will one day piss Bill O'Reilly off enough that Bill comes over to the MSNBC set where "Countdown" is filmed and shoots Keith in the face during the "Worst Person in the World" segment. It will be a sad day, but not wholly unexpected.

4. In the next 5 years, FIVE YEARS people, the Snuggie will cause a cultural devolution in western society. You may be tempted to say, "this is just a silly FAD." Oh no, the amount of Facebook flair implies otherwise.

There is something fundamentally WRONG with a person when they think it is okay to walk around outside of their bedroom wearing a Snuggie. I respectfully submit to the young man wearing the sage green Snuggie while loitering in the lobby of my dorm, that he seek help from a MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL.

5. My parents should not marry each other ever again. Period. Maybe the rest are debatable, but not this.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

25 Things About Myself, Courtesy of Facebook

I wrote this Facebook note a couple of weeks ago, and figured I'd copy it here for whoever reads this. I got tagged in a couple of "25 Things Notes" so I figured, "Why not?" Except that I didn't realize how hard it would be to come up with 25 things about myself! What does that say about me? Should I be worried?

It took me two days to think of 25 things about myself.

1. I really want to work at a truck-stop, classicy-diner-type place for a couple of months in my life. I want to do nothing other than pour coffee and ask people about their day, FOR MONEY.

2. My grandmother’s nickname for me was “Busy Beth.” I really worry that someone will turn that into something dirty one day. Seriously, guys. Don't do it. Not cool.

3. I’m pretty sure I’m done dying my hair, but I still wonder what it would be like if I went blonde. Not now, but when my hair is longer.

4. I not-so-secretly love 80’s Rock music. Metallica, Whitesnake, Skid Row, Dire Straits, Guns n’ Roses, and AC/DC; just to name a few.

5. I have VERY eclectic tastes in just about everything but food.

6. Speaking of food, I recently discovered that Pace now makes Extra Mild salsa, and am excited to try it.

7. I do not have a driver’s license as of yet. This WILL be remedied at Spring Break.

8. My laptop is named Bert. Bert is covered in stickers.

9. I liked college at first, but now I’m so ready to be done it’s not even funny.

10. My two favorite personality types in guys are “sweet, funny and a little shy” and “lovable asshole.”

11. I want a tattoo for my 22 birthday.

12. My favorite TV show on the air right now is Supernatural. I love it, but refuse to let myself become one of those people that let it consume them.

13. I love clowns, always have. I will never see “It,” lest Stephen King rip that part of my childhood from my heart.

14. I have finally decided that I think I want to work for NASA doing one of the “fake” jobs. Like PR, or legal. Something that doesn’t involve math, but I can still say I work for NASA.

15. I wish my sister was my best friend. I’m not sure I actually have a best friend right now. (Qualified applicants may inquire within.)

16. I love Texas, but I would like to escape and move to Washington, DC or Chicago.

17. I doubt that I will ever use my Russian.

18. I love fire! It is so fun to set fireworks off and make things explode! Even when you seriously injure a finger.

19. Being allergic to things makes me feel special.

20. I am 20, and it feels so good not to be a teenager anymore.

21. I know way more about dentistry than a non-dentistry student of my age should. This stems from having near-constant problems for 18 years straight.

22. One of the main reasons I picked UNT was that I liked the green and white color scheme.

23. My favorite place to go on vacation is my mom’s hometown, Fairhope. I used to have the best time there.

24. My ultimate goal in life is to get married and have kids. Lots of money would be a big plus, but I recognize that there is more to life than money itself.

25. My personal philosophy on life is “It’s nice to be nice.”