Thursday, December 3, 2009

Awesomest History prof ever?

My Roman Civilization professor. He is just HILARIOUS! According to him, "That's what decline smells like."

I am inclined to agree.

That is a picture of the Roman Tetrarchs engaging in a little man-hugging. In statue form. (FYI, art at the height of the pax Romana and even before that back to the Republic, was WAY BETTER.) He said in class that some art historians would argue that this was just a stylistic development. He also said that while he likes art historians just fine...they're full of crap when they say that.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

The newest member of the Google Wave family is...

Me. I have Google Wave and...I have no idea what to do with it. I mean, I kind of sort of understand it. It's like Gmail on steroids?

I do know that it's super-cool and I will have tons of fun exploring it! My inner-nerd is incredibly excited! :D

Monday, November 30, 2009

The Holiday Season has arrived!

I am listening to Christmas carols on my Pandora. And I am very happy, nagging question keeps running through my mind.

When did I become one of those people that only goes to church on Christmas and Easter? I mean, there's nothing really wrong with that, but it's never what I meant to happen. To be fair, it's difficult to go to church up at school because I have tried many of the ones in town, and I don't like any of them.

I guess people go through phases, but I really miss going to church. As soon as my car is fixed, I'm gonna go.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

I have loved The Muppets since I was very small.

I saw a clip today that I totally LOVED. It's The Muppets ensemble performing Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody. It is also pure awesomeness. I found it extremely hilarious!

Click Me for awesome and cute hilariousness.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Life, such as it is.

It has been called to my attention that I haven't updated in a while. So you want to know what's been happening in my incredibly boring life? Well. Here you go, you asked for it.

It is the Monday of Thanksgiving Week and I still don't know when I'm going home. Haven't started packing yet, either. I have a night class on Tuesday and I should probably go. I need to figure out when my roommate is going home. I also have one class on Wednesday morning, but, frankly...fuck that. I don't go to that class usually and my other got canceled. So, I might be going home on Tuesday or I might be going home on Wednesday.

Then, for Thanksgiving I am going to my cousin's house in Mexia. It should be nice, I am really looking forward to seeing everyone. (At the same time, I am a little jealous that Valerie gets to have Amish Thanksgiving. I imagine the food will be amazing.) I am going to especially enjoy Thanksgiving because I might be missing out on the "Forster Feast" this year. It is our pre-Christmas, super-big, family dinner. And it is awesome. (Also, I'm not sure anyone actually calls it the "Forster Feast" except for my cousin Diane Kay. I don't know, but I've heard it thrown around before.) I am looking forward to watching Thanksgiving Friends episodes, too. TBS better run some kind of marathon.

I am meeting my awesome friend from high school, Sarah, on Saturday so that she can do a video interview for a tribute video to our former debate coach, who is retiring. I am super excited! I love Mr. Yarbrough and I can't wait for the party in December!

In other recent news, I discovered The Bloggess. She is amazing and hilarious. There have been times where I was laughing so hard, I was literally crying. Like, tears streaming down my face.

And finally, I don't even want to think about school. I have a lot (not a ton) of work to do before the end of the semester. Ugh. And some of my grades have been a little depressing. So, let's all go back to not thinking about it, yes? Excellent.

Well...I think that's about it. I know, I know. This entry was riveting.

(PS: Valerie, I expect a full report on how your holiday was. Like, detailed. But keep in mind, I'm asking that in what I hope is a completely non-creepy way.)

Monday, September 28, 2009

It's my birthday soon!

On the phone with my mother...

Mom: "What are you going to do for your birthday?"

Me: "Well, it's a big one. 21! I'll probably just go out with my friends to dinner, maybe have a drink."

Mom: "Oh Lord...What kind of drink?"

Me: "Milk, Mom. What kind of drink do you think I meant?"

Mom: *Huge Sigh* "Okay..."

Now, she did not ACTUALLY mean "okay." She meant "okay" in a "if you want to ruin your life by falling victim to the sauce, go ahead" kind of way. But, I refuse to be discouraged. I know I will not become an alcoholic, even if my mother doesn't. So, I will go out, have fun, and yes - I will even have a delicious fruity something or other as well.

Hmm...What else is going on in my life? Oh! I walked into class today and realized that I had not bought the book that we were going over that day. I don't think I'm going to buy it. Well, maybe. I mean, we aren't reading the entire thing. My prof had us buy 3 anthology things and The Prince, which I think is a little ridiculous. So...I dunno. We'll see what happens.

The roof in my house, leaks when it rains. I mean, leaks significantly. There is a wet spot in the living room with about a 12 inch diameter. So, yesterday I told our maintenance man who lives across the street what happened. I don't especially like dealing with Boris (who is an "Alien Folklore" expert). Honestly, he creeps me out a little, and it's just difficult. I don't know if he is or formerly was on drugs, or if he has some kind of permanent brain injury, but you have to say things a MILLION times. I feel like I am talking to a child who is insistent that they know better when really, they don't.

I told him about the leaks, and he said he would check the roof out. I then told him that I felt like something should be done about the inside as well, to repair the water damage and prevent mold. (As someone with a mold allergy living in this house, I think SOMETHING should be done. Especially when there are already mornings that I wake up with trouble breathing from God only knows what circulating in the air.) Well, Boris disagrees. And he probably could have been a little more polite in disagreeing. I didn't appreciate his condescending tone. So. I will probably be calling the landlord.

Also, I have trouble figuring out the cable bill sometimes. Being an adult is hard.

But I am still super-excited for my birthday AND my party in a week and a half! YAY.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Today was weird. (in bullet format)

I know I was supposed to post more about my super-awesome trip to see Val, but...shit happened, Blog. So there is this:

  • Momma and I were cleaning out Gram's apartment to donate her clothes to Goodwill, and that was weird. It was so surreal. Like, the person who used to wear those clothes and live in that place was never going to wear those clothes or live in that place again. So strange. I got super-nostalgic.
  • One of Gram's friends dropped by while we were there, and that was weird. Kay, who called to check on her the day she got sick. It feels so strange to hear someone you don't know at all describe someone you know really well. Everything she said was just so sweet, and true. I think it made me realize that I'm going to miss her more than I realized at first.
  • Mom didn't freak out once (not really) the entire day, and that was weird. I think she was probably just focused on getting things done. I'm sure the moods will be back in full force on Thursday.
  • I laughed, like full on uncontrollably laughed, for at least 5 minutes straight with my mother over a mispronounced word. (This wasn't really weird, just a little unusual.)
  • My mom out of the blue, asked me what a friend of mine looked like, and that was weird. It wasn't the asking that was strange, it was the amount of detail she wanted. "What does Courtney look like?" She's about 5'7" (I'm not sure as to the accuracy of that.) "Is she thin?" Not especially. "Overweight?" Not at all. Normal-sized, I guess. Why? "No reason. What color is her hair?" Red. Sort of auburn, really red in the sun. "Okay..." Is that all? "I guess."
  • My mom talked about vibrators, and that was WEIRD. She was talking about how you find strange things when people die, and how she'd rather be finding shoe boxes full of random crap rather than a vibrator or a stash of Viagra (my grandfather). I swear, she said "vibrator" like five times. *shudder*
  • On the way home we talked about the movie Bruno and my complete lack of a desire to see it, and that was not weird. What was, was my mother asking me why, in an existential sense I suppose, Sacha Baron Cohen was 'like that.' "Is he gay in real life?" No. (Engaged to Isla Fisher!) Just an idiot.

Thus ends my weird and slightly sad and morbid day. Goodnight, internets. I shall see you tomorrow.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Trip Part I

I have been visiting the Sister since Saturday, in Nashville, and it has been SO nice. I do a lot of the same things as I do at home, but now I do them at my sister's house and have two dogs (one lovely, one dumb) and a cat (who I am convinced is my soulmate) and my sister and brother-in-law around to keep me company. (During the day it's just me and the animals, though.) Also, the people here are SANE. That's such a nice change of pace from my neurotic mother.

I have been out of the house, though. Today, I went (seemingly) all over creation. I visited the area of town where VanderbiltUniversity is (also the super-trendy music district), West End and Hillsboro. It was good, and I saw the Nashville replica of the Parthenon, which is actually pretty cool and not as cheesy as it sounds. It is a full scale replica of the one in Greece and has a very lovely Athena inside the upper level.

I also went around the Vanderbilt campus where my sister works, which was SUPER lovely. *sigh* I wish my college were as pretty. Did you know it is ALSO an arboretum? I sure didn't!

After a productive lunch with my sister (yay for figuring out What's Next), I was pretty tired of walking and I decided to go chill at a famous coffee house where many a music industry person has been spotted (Ben Folds, anyone?). I hate coffee, and yet, I actually liked what I got. It was this chocolate-caramel thing that was SO good. Also, I got to read some of my book, The Mercy of Thin Air by Ronlyn Domingue (VERY worthwhile read so far). I ate some wonderful salmon for dinner with fresh corn, cucumber, and feta salad which was delicious and I shall be making when I have my kitchen to work with!

All in all, been a pretty good vacation so far. We're headed to the in-laws house in Alabama tomorrow and will be taking the route that goes through Chattanooga and Atlanta, which I am excited to see. ALSO, we're eating breakfast at the Pancake Pantry, which is like, super-famous in the world of breakfast foods.

Friday, June 19, 2009

4:27 AM, CDT: Do you know where your children are?

UGH. It's times like these that I wish I was married so I would have someone to wake up and talk to me. Maybe hold me too. I just had a nightmare, and can now not got back to sleep. I am very tired. If only Dean Winchester were real, so that he could fight the nightmares away. As you might notice, it is 4:15 in the AM.

I actually went to bed earlier than usual, if you can believe it! (And tried to spell earlier, 'earlyer'.)

I was awoken recently by a rather vivid dream the details of which i shall divulge when it is daylight and the shadows can't get to me. I decided to leave my room and check the doors. (I only did it once, I'm proud to say.) My secondary mission was to bring back the fireplace poker i used to sleep with. It wasn't hanging on the thing, so i figure its already in the room here. However, I could not come back empty-handed. I have another fireplace instrument instead.

UGH. Why can I not jujst have pleasant dreams with naked men in them.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Elizabeth Marlowe...Scientist?

I think not. My mother, however, just spent the better part of half an hour in the Target parking lot trying to convince me that, yes, I was destined to do science for a living.

This all stemmed from me not wanting to talk about a personal issue I had been having. The last time we talked about this she broke down and just generally "lost it" at a Dairy Queen in Buffalo, Texas. So I told her rather firmly several times that I did not want to discuss it and she should just drop it.

That (somehow) led to, "You know, you've been awfully secretive lately." Oh have I? I wasn't aware. I don't intentionally hide things from her. And you know, really, I wouldn't be secretive if my mother were more balanced or she didn't try and run my life making decisions for me.

She said, "You know, when Valerie was in college I actually saw her grades. You just tell me and I'm supposed to just believe you. When we get home I want to see your grades."

THAT conversation led to what I wanted to do with my life. Eventually I let Momma in on the fact that I might want to work for NASA if I could, but not in the science area.

"I'm not a scientist, Mom."

"But you could be. You can do anything. I've always said you were the one that could do anything! You aren't limited by learning disabilities like Valerie and I am."

Okay, for the record, my sister is really fucking smart. I'm not as intelligent as she is and I recognize that. Even with her very slight learning disability in math, she has gone on to some pretty amazing things in life and I will be lucky to be half as successful.

"But I don't want to do science. I like it okay, sure, but I like other stuff better. I don't like math! I can do it, but I don't like to do it. It's not fun for me!"

"But you could be so good at it!"

"Mom! No! listen to me, I do not want to do it. I like political science."

"You could keep political science as a minor..."

Okay, let's break this down:
  1. I am halfway done with college. All the math and additional science reqs would probably put me at an EXTRA 3-4 semesters. All in all, 5 1/2 - 6 years. No. (once more, with feeling...) HELL NO! I am not doing that.
  2. I like science in the way that someone thinks "oh thats kinda cool." I like to watch the Discovery channel and my favorite show on the History channel is "The Universe" which is about spacey things. Hence, why it would be fun to work for NASA. I find it interesting, but I don't have a passion for it.
  3. I'm not known for doing well with things that I'm not totally interested in. I'm working on it, but I still find math too boring to willfully engage in. ANY science major would require significantly more math than I am willing to commit myself to right now.
  4. I know something that my mother does not, and it makes all the difference in the world. The physics department at UNT is full of pissy uncompromising bitches. No thanks, I'll pass on dealing with that.
She continued to try to convince me to CHANGE MY MAJOR.

"You know Valerie went the political science route and look where she is."

"Valerie graduated with an English degree, Mom."

"Oh. Well before that it was political science."
(Again, my sister is not, by any means, unsuccessful in my opinion.)

The conversation continued to devolve from there until I conceded to look at a website detailing scientific career opportunities available. Ah...Life with my mother. It just keeps getting better and better (or, you know, more of the same).

Oh! PS, Blog, I am going to Nashville in a couple of weeks and I need things to do to fill my time! Comments and suggestions are welcomed and appreciated!

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Streetcorner Symphony

Me: 1991.

"We should just dress you up and put you on a street corner."

Not exactly the positive message a mother would normally want to send to her three-year-old daughter.

When I went to school with my mother on Friday, we were on the way home when we somehow got onto the subject of this oh-so-special former mantra of Momma's. I told her that everyone I had ever told that she used to say this, thought it was horrible.

"Child prostitution is no joke, Mom."

"Well, that's what you looked like! Okay, what would you say if your little three-year-old daughter insisted on wearing a leopard print skirt and a shirt with different patches of animal print in different colors with red high heels?"

(I do remember the shirt she was talking about and it was AWESOME. As for the heels, they were a gift and I loved them dearly.)

She said I used to ask for these very ostentatious outfits and say that "But Mommy, I need them!" (Which totally sounds like me.) And in return, she would buy them with the caveat that I could not leave the house in them.

"I was worried about you! Who knows what kind of attention you might have gotten, what kind of people might have taken your picture. You were exactly the type that all those child sex perverts liked..."

"So you made tasteless comments?"

"[As if I'd never spoken] I always said, 'She's the one I'm going to have to worry about...' You know, with men."

"...uh huh."

"But I was so proud. You turned into such a prim and proper young woman."

"I guess..."

"I was so worried, Elizabeth. [at this point she looked deep into my eyes] I thought I was going to have to worry about you going around half-dressed, flashing people and things."

A little background on what I was like as a child: I liked attention. A lot. I had long hair full of bouncing ringlets, and was ADORABLE. All the old ladies at church used to tell me so. I was in dance, had a sparkling personality, and was more than a little precocious. I LOVED attention. So, I can see why my mom might have been worried.

"Well, I'm not going to lie to you, Mom...I just might have. Fortunately for you, I turned out to be fat."


And that's how the conversation ended. Just as offensively as it began. Seriously, though, I've never actually thought about what I would be like if my self esteem hadn't been shot to hell at such an early age and I hadn't become so introverted and neurotic.

And she is right (those words leave a bitter taste in my mouth), I probably would have been a little too outgoing for my own good.

Friday, May 29, 2009

Nostalgia of a college Sophomore (or is it Junior now?)

I went with my mom to school today. This involved waking up just as I was settling into a comfortable sleep. That part I was not pleased with. The other thing I was worried about was being able to find things to do all day; because I was there ALL DAY.

I seriously would have just stayed in my mom’s room which is basically a computer lab and amused myself but Facebook and email is blocked by the district, so…yeah. It actually was not that bad. My mom is crazy paranoid that the little sociopaths she keeps would "do something" to/because of me, so I was told I could go to the library or the teacher’s lounge. Even though I think that the library at the school where my mom teaches is wicked cool, I opted to spend some time in the teacher’s lounge for a while.

I brought a book and my Zune with me which should have kept me entertained for hours. Well, when my Zune ran out of battery before it should have (a big, giant “FUCK YOU!” goes out to Microsoft BTW) the book got a lot harder to stay awake through. It’s a great book, but I woke up before the sun, y'all.

So, I decided to sleep. In the teacher’s lounge. Aside from the fact that I found myself wishing I had brought my mask with me to cover my eyes from the blinding fluorescent lights, I had a nice nap. Woke briefly to text and answer a call from my mom, but other than that I slept another 2 ½ hours or so.

At lunchtime my mom brought me something to eat, and I texted Kirk about the chola baby (since I was reasonably sure he was awake). After that, I started getting ready to move over to the Main Campus of the high school from the Ninth Grade Center that I currently inhabited.

I got to see my former Debate Peeps! I went to watch the class period being conducted by way of an Ultimate Frisbee game. It was good. It was outside. It was hot as hell. But it was STILL GOOD! I saw my little Elsa, who is going away to COLLEGE! I cannot even believe that they are graduating and that it had been two years since I'd been back there. It was weird.

I talked to my coaches (including one of the top 10 most influential people of my lifetime, Mr. Yarbrough), and that was good. That was also strange. I felt like I was back in high school, but…different. They told me I needed to change my entire life plan because what the hell "are you even going to do with that degree"? In some ways it was like I never left. In other ways it was like I had been gone for centuries.

Next Entry: My mother and her too-frequent use of the phrase, "We should dress you up and put you on a street corner."

Saturday, May 23, 2009


Its Saturday. Which means my mom is home and not at work.

I fell asleep last night on the couch and not my bed, which is not unusual. The thing about being home for the summer, is I don't live alone anymore.

I woke up purely on instinct this morning. The reason I know this is that I hadn't actually planned to get up until much later than the 8:00 that I ended up being awoken.

As the haze began to clear, I realized I was not ready to be up. I tried rolling over, which usually works. Just as I was about to fall back asleep, I hear my mom's door open and close abruptly. No big deal, she usually walks through the living room to do whatnot.

Then I hear her footsteps stop. Right in the middle of the living room. Maybe 45 seconds pass and I think she's doing something or maybe looking through the mail super-quietly. I decide to take a quick look to make sure and then go back to sleep. Only, no. Because she was staring at me.

"Oh, good. You're up."

"Wellllll...Only kinda. Why were you just standing there looking at me?"

"I didn't want to wake you up when I went to make something to eat." (Our kitchen and living room are just separated by a bar counter.) "Can I go make something?"


I roll over, TRY to go back to sleep, and fail. My mother makes the loudest breakfast ever, and I am up for the day.

The thing is, this is not uncommon at home. I know, I know..."If you just slept in your bedroom, this wouldn't be a problem." Only, yes, it would. My mother comes to my room to tell me the weirdest things at the weirdest times and there's nothing I can do about it. She doesn't listen or absorb the things that I tell her. So the only remaining option becomes to deal with it. But dealing with it doesn't mean I can't bitch about it.

I am in for such a fun summer. With my mom day in and day out. Hooray.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Half-Done, but not Half-Baked

I just finished my second year of college. Say it with me, Blog...Yay.

I apologize if I don't seem quite as excited as I should be. Its just...I am reminded that I am ONLY half done. I have another 2 whole years before I graduate, and in all likelihood another 2-3 years of post-graduate work beyond that. Forgive me if I don't relish the idea of doing this for another half a decade.

I have plans, Blog. Life plans. I would like to get a job, get married, etc...Alas, it will have to wait. Life experiences in general always seem to get put on the back-burner for me.

In other emo ramblings...Momma cried for the last 100 or so miles of the trip because she is worried I am "becoming her." I don't think I will lose all my friends, adopt a few hundred cats, and die alone, but being here is already an issue. I need some friend therapy, and to know that I matter to someone other than my mother. *sigh* Things will just have to wait. I'll throw myself into unpacking the car once it stops raining...maybe that will distract me.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Thoughts on Finals

Blog, I am so ready to be DONE. It's not even funny at this point. It is finals week. I am sick. I am tired. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired, Blog.

I have nothing else to really say except for this: I am an undergraduate. I, legitimately, have nothing to offer to the academic community at large. Or the economy. I do not pay taxes because I do not work. I do not do research because I am not a graduate student. I am about as useless as minors are, except maybe even more so because after this year my mom will not be able to claim me and my schooling as a tax deduction.

As an undergraduate, I can not reasonably be expected to provide an answer to this question: "How can we solve World Problem X?" Umm...First of all, obviously, if something had been shown to be effective already there would be no need to even ask us that question. Secondly, I am an UNDERGRADUATE. No answer I could possibly provide would even approach brilliance to the point of being even remotely relevant. It would be irresponsible for me to speculate.

But of course, I cannot write that on my International Relations final.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Wow...Been a while, huh?

So...I have not updated in like 5 or 6 weeks. Yeesh. Sorry, Blog. I do mean to tell you things it just never seems to happen.

How the hell have I been lately? Well, I should be working on a term paper in a class I desperately need to do better in and I am not. I'll get it done, but this should tell you something about my level of motivation this semester.

I have been feeling...out of sorts...for a while. I have therapy tomorrow and will be glad to go. I'm pretty sure I know why and it should really only get better with time. I see not too many more 1 am walks in my future, not to worry. :o)

I am signing a lease on Friday, hopefully. I am excited to live with my friend Courtney! I have been having some friend drama lately and am now acutely aware of how important communication is.

In other news, Sister is in Africa for the next month or so. I think I miss her more, even though I wouldn't have been seeing her either way. I was just thinking today about how nice it would be to sit on her back porch watching the dogs and drinking lemonade without a care in the world. No stress...*sigh*...

Thursday, March 19, 2009

To my dear Blog regarding the subject of: Braces

My, oh my, it has been quite a while, hasn't it my lovely Blog? I apologize. My only excuse is that it seems like nothing interesting has happened to me recently. Other than a few VERY strange dreams, life has just been life. Now I am on Spring Break and figured this would be the perfect opportunity to update.

I got braces on Tuesday, hence the reason for the title of this post. They are uncomfortable. to say the least. Everyone keeps telling me that I will be glad when it is all done, and I'm sure that is a true statement. Right now though, I just wish I could bite into things. I'm also paranoid about breaking something in my mouth. There are other aspects to this like the glue still stuck to my teeth that are unpleasant to think and talk about, so I just won't go into them.

I went to a friend's house last night and made drinks for the people that were drinking because I could not partake. I also ate pizza with a fork and knife in minuscule pieces. My sister saw Madeleine Albright the other day. I am seriously SO jealous. She even got her to sign her book. Why can't we get someone like her to come to MY school? All we get is stupid old Vicente Fox. Yeah, she's also the one going to Uganda. Our mother keeps asking if my brother-in-law is really "letting" her go to Africa. "Letting" her? Yeah, that's Mama.

Saw my Gram, she is okay. We are going to take her out to lunch either tomorrow or Saturday. If Aunt Betty is reading this she should contact Mama for more details and come with.

Since we last spoke Blog, I discovered a love of Pandora. Seriously, WHO thought of this? It is amazing and it knows exactly what kind of music I need for whatever I am doing (studying, Facebook, writing a paper, etc.). I love it so much.

I also got a Twitter. I would hook you guys up, but my Twitter... well, she can be short with people (140 characters or less) and I know how much you hate that. You like for people to be verbose and to talk around subjects before actually getting to the point. Plus, there's the fact that my Dad doesn't know about you (I don't think...) and Daddy's got a Twitter. I told him today that I had one as well, so its only a matter of time before he finds it. He's asked to be introduced to you on a couple of occasions, but I'm not sure that's a good idea. Hmm... we'll see.

Champagne Supernova just came on. I've gotta go. I'll try to not let it be too long before we speak again. Swear. No, really. Do you see my face? Okay, well do I sound insincere? There you go. I will be back soonish.

20 months of braces to go...

Friday, February 27, 2009

Do you just have nothing better to do?

The more I think about this story the more pissed I get. President Obama just addressed Congress on a whole host of important issues that affects MILLIONS of people. There has got to be better things Congress can be spending their time on other than this. There has just GOT to be. They seem to have more pressing issues to worry about than monkeys as pets in my opinion.

Millions of people are out of work, losing their homes everyday. We are actively fighting a war in two different countries. Yet, Congress thinks it is an appropriate use of their time to limit the interstate trade of primates. Let's just think on that for a minute. Who is affected by this? So far just idiots who want to buy monkeys. And really, its natural selection. These people think they can handle it? Let them live with the consequences.

Millions of Americans are in economic distress and Congress sits around with their thumbs up their asses for MONTHS. Conversely, ONE WOMAN in Connecticut is mauled by a monkey that she bought (because she lives in Connecticut and has nothing better to spend money on) and they pass legislation in a timely manner (with a vote of 323-95).

What. The. HELL?! Seriously, guys! Govern. Will you please just govern with laws that affect more than a tiny minority of the population? I don't think its too much to ask.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Things I am CONVINCED of:

1. Rachel Ray is trying to take over the world. She is the new "Martha," only we like her 'cause she isn't a bitch. This should scare you. She's sneaky and unassuming, but I'm CONVINCED her plans are "World Domination FTW!" (More on this later once I compile my evidence.)

2. Action movies were invented for people like me. What runs through my mind, you ask? Basically it goes like this: "Wow! Look at that guy! He has lots of money, and cool secret-y responsibilities. How awesome would it be to BE that guy?! AND he gets to BLOW THINGS up?! I coul-- oh, wait. That looks dangerous. I better just watch the movie." All this happens in the span of 10 minutes and then I watch the rest of the movie contentedly.

I can live vicariously through the MEN who get to do all these cool things and don't have to risk an anxiety attack by doing them myself. Its funny that I want to be the men in these movies and not the women. This should in no way be considered a dig at men for the advantages they get in life. I'm sure men make better secret agents than women anyways.

3. Keith Olbermann will one day piss Bill O'Reilly off enough that Bill comes over to the MSNBC set where "Countdown" is filmed and shoots Keith in the face during the "Worst Person in the World" segment. It will be a sad day, but not wholly unexpected.

4. In the next 5 years, FIVE YEARS people, the Snuggie will cause a cultural devolution in western society. You may be tempted to say, "this is just a silly FAD." Oh no, the amount of Facebook flair implies otherwise.

There is something fundamentally WRONG with a person when they think it is okay to walk around outside of their bedroom wearing a Snuggie. I respectfully submit to the young man wearing the sage green Snuggie while loitering in the lobby of my dorm, that he seek help from a MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL.

5. My parents should not marry each other ever again. Period. Maybe the rest are debatable, but not this.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

25 Things About Myself, Courtesy of Facebook

I wrote this Facebook note a couple of weeks ago, and figured I'd copy it here for whoever reads this. I got tagged in a couple of "25 Things Notes" so I figured, "Why not?" Except that I didn't realize how hard it would be to come up with 25 things about myself! What does that say about me? Should I be worried?

It took me two days to think of 25 things about myself.

1. I really want to work at a truck-stop, classicy-diner-type place for a couple of months in my life. I want to do nothing other than pour coffee and ask people about their day, FOR MONEY.

2. My grandmother’s nickname for me was “Busy Beth.” I really worry that someone will turn that into something dirty one day. Seriously, guys. Don't do it. Not cool.

3. I’m pretty sure I’m done dying my hair, but I still wonder what it would be like if I went blonde. Not now, but when my hair is longer.

4. I not-so-secretly love 80’s Rock music. Metallica, Whitesnake, Skid Row, Dire Straits, Guns n’ Roses, and AC/DC; just to name a few.

5. I have VERY eclectic tastes in just about everything but food.

6. Speaking of food, I recently discovered that Pace now makes Extra Mild salsa, and am excited to try it.

7. I do not have a driver’s license as of yet. This WILL be remedied at Spring Break.

8. My laptop is named Bert. Bert is covered in stickers.

9. I liked college at first, but now I’m so ready to be done it’s not even funny.

10. My two favorite personality types in guys are “sweet, funny and a little shy” and “lovable asshole.”

11. I want a tattoo for my 22 birthday.

12. My favorite TV show on the air right now is Supernatural. I love it, but refuse to let myself become one of those people that let it consume them.

13. I love clowns, always have. I will never see “It,” lest Stephen King rip that part of my childhood from my heart.

14. I have finally decided that I think I want to work for NASA doing one of the “fake” jobs. Like PR, or legal. Something that doesn’t involve math, but I can still say I work for NASA.

15. I wish my sister was my best friend. I’m not sure I actually have a best friend right now. (Qualified applicants may inquire within.)

16. I love Texas, but I would like to escape and move to Washington, DC or Chicago.

17. I doubt that I will ever use my Russian.

18. I love fire! It is so fun to set fireworks off and make things explode! Even when you seriously injure a finger.

19. Being allergic to things makes me feel special.

20. I am 20, and it feels so good not to be a teenager anymore.

21. I know way more about dentistry than a non-dentistry student of my age should. This stems from having near-constant problems for 18 years straight.

22. One of the main reasons I picked UNT was that I liked the green and white color scheme.

23. My favorite place to go on vacation is my mom’s hometown, Fairhope. I used to have the best time there.

24. My ultimate goal in life is to get married and have kids. Lots of money would be a big plus, but I recognize that there is more to life than money itself.

25. My personal philosophy on life is “It’s nice to be nice.”

Saturday, January 31, 2009


I am not very interesting. I acknowledge this fact. I am a law-abiding, clean-and-sober college student. This does not make me lame, as my cousin told me, just boring.

Being boring, I feel I have a dilemma. I don’t want the blog to be boring, but this update a semester business is ridiculous. So I from time to time, I will blog about my friends. To protect the innocent and unwillingly shield the guilty, one such friend shall henceforth be known as Damien (like the devil-child from the Omen). You’ll see why.

Damien is a mess. Quite simply, he is a hot. Ghetto. MESS. He drinks, smokes, imbibes various illegal substances, and takes booty-calls from bartenders in committed relationships. His immorality is not the problem though.

Damien’s problem stems from his amorality. He does not know right from wrong. Like a small child he must be told “no” periodically to keep him from imploding his life and wrecking it even more than it already is. This is eternally frustrating to those of us that know Damien well enough that he will confide in us. Me, (thank God!) not so much, but my good friend Damien’s Human Conscience, is near-constantly being called and more disturbingly, being paid impromptu visits by Damien. DHC did not sign up for this. I feel for him, but I also worry about myself. Come May, DHC moves away and severs all contact with Damien.

Damien is under the mistaken impression that I hate him. This is not the case. Damien drains me. It is physically exhausting because I truly care about his well-being, and no matter what you say to him, he NEVER changes.

I worry that when DHC moves away Damien will latch onto me for direction. He knows where I live, is friends with my roommate, and once felt comfortable enough with me to ask to borrow heels for one of his cross-dressing adventures. Thankfully, I didn’t have anything that “worked for him.”

In some respects, it is tempting to think it would be easier for everyone involved if Damien fell off the face of the earth. At the same time, people would worry about him. Damien went incommunicado for a weekend and people worried about him, not a ton, but perhaps more than they should. Damien is the perfect storm of dysfunction. I do care, and I do want him to be stable and pull himself out of the hole he’s in. But at the same time I don’t want him to pull me or any of my friends down with him.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Ugh...That is the only word.

I am SO not looking forward to the Spring. This semester I will be putting therapy to full use. I will also need the support if my friends to reign me in and keep me I hope and pray to God that things work out to be better than I expect. I also really hope that the workload eases up a little. I fear in the Fall that I will have to cut back on activities. Its just not working, and I have to get my grades up if I want to have any hope of determining the course of my own life for the five years following my graduation.

My Facebook status today is that I am tired of dramatic updates. This is both true and hypocritical, because I am one of the MOST DRAMATIC people I know. If this blog post is too dramatic, well...whatever.

Also, I need a man.